How does a highly emotional(ly intelligent) person also become a high performer? There is a secret to being an emotional high performer. But it takes research, it takes practice, it takes humility. I’ve gone back to re-examine my understanding of this secret over and over again for years and years now. I always find a …
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Boundaries are NOT Walls In this week’s blog we talk about 3 kinds of boundaries that aren’t often talked about: Oftentimes when we talk about boundaries, we talk about stopping things from happening and saying No. We call that a “Responsive Boundary”. A responsive boundary is like a guard or bouncer. If someone wants in, …
There is a tool that has proven to be even more effective than “is there something you need right now” that I call The Menu of Options. By the way, if you haven’t yet read “The problem with what do you need right now?” then check out that article HERE What is The Menu of …
A key element that sets us apart from other coaching programs and sets us up to create powerful and lasting change in our clients is the practice of Honoring Protectors. A client once said to me, “The reason I need to be working with you right now is because you approve of my parts more …
One of the biggest mistakes that therapists, coaches, leaders, and friends make is asking someone: “What do you need right now?” You may be thinking “Wait! What? I was taught that I should regularly ask that question to people in my life, especially if they are struggling, upset, angry, or in need in some way!” …
Today I decided that the road was going to be my personal growth workshop. I decided to lean into a belief I’ve been cultivating over the last few years called The Mirror Projection Theory This is the idea that my reactions to others are simply a mirror for me. The person across from me represents …
What is Shadow? Shadows are the parts of us that we reject because on some level we have learned that they are dark, bad, evil, filthy, disgusting, wrong and are “just not me.” When we don’t “own” our shadows, we will inevitably project them onto those around us. This ends up looking like blaming and …
“What do I do if I find myself projecting onto others when I’m in a leadership position?” If the person really trusts us, and we subconsciously see them as a reflection of someone who we have wounding with, then we could unknowingly be trying to get our needs met with that person in a way …
The wild thing about labeling people is that while it can be blatant and overt, it can also be subtle. It can slip through in small ways. One of the most insidious of these is in it’s positive forms (all of these are Labels). “You’re so pretty!” “You’re so feminine!” “You’re so happy!” “You are …
Boxification is when we claim to have authority on what other people think, feel, or intend. The big problem with Boxification is that other people can’t receive the (hidden) important part of our communication when we use this communication strategy. Instead they feel an implicit boundary crossing and they spray it down with a firehose …
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